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Restoration Beyond the Couch
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Restoration Beyond the Couch
Body Image- Nicoletta Bradley Shares How She's Recovered From a 20 Year Eating Disorder Through Noble Fitness
What if redefining your relationship with exercise could transform your life? Nicoletta Bradley, founder of Noble Fitness Ministry, shares her compelling journey of overcoming an eating disorder and societal pressures to embrace a life rooted in faith and resilience. Her story takes us through a challenging broken engagement that propelled her to create a space where women can redefine body image and self-worth beyond physical appearance. Nicoletta's retreats combine fitness and Bible study, providing a holistic approach to healing and growth.
Exercise isn't just about weight loss or fitting into societal norms—it's about joy and self-care. Nicoletta's perspective challenges conventional views, encouraging us to see exercise as an expression of love and identity. By sharing personal anecdotes, like preparing for an endurance race, she highlights the importance of balance and understanding one's motives. This episode dives deep into the cultural pressures we face and the liberation that comes with embracing our unique identities and trusting in a higher purpose.
Vulnerability is the key to authentic connections and personal growth. Nicoletta's retreats emphasize the importance of creating spaces where women can express themselves freely, shedding societal and self-imposed constraints. By focusing on truth and love, participants can discover a sense of freedom that transcends any diet or exercise plan. This episode is a testament to the power of community, vulnerability, and the transformative journey of finding one's identity and healing through faith. Join us as we explore how embracing vulnerability can empower and liberate us on our path to personal growth.
In this episode of Restoration Beyond the Couch, dr Lee Long welcomes Nicoletta Bradley, founder of Noble Fitness Ministry. Nicoletta's journey from battling a 20-year eating disorder to thriving in the fitness industry has inspired many women to overcome harmful body image narratives. Through her non-profit, she helps women transform their views on body, exercise and food through a biblical lens, championing authenticity and true self-worth. Nicoletta also co-hosts the Call Her Holy podcast, offering a biblical perspective on topics such as body image, singleness and dating. Don't miss this insightful episode. Your path to mental wellness starts here.
Speaker 2:Welcome, Nicoletta.
Speaker 3:Hello.
Speaker 2:I'm so glad you're here.
Speaker 3:Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. Oh, my gosh, me too.
Speaker 2:So when I learned about what you do and your mission, I got so excited because in my mind, in my beliefs, in my world, identity is at the core of all things that we do. Yep, core. I believe that identity is at the core of attunement, because if I'm not attuned first to me and understand who I am, then I don't know how to then attune toward you. Yeah, therefore, attachment is impossible. So when I understood the way that you approach identity and with the group that you use to approach it, I got so fired up. So thanks for being here.
Speaker 3:Come on, I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 2:Awesome. So tell us about Noble Fitness and where did that come from? Your background, who you are, and I'm giving you like a whole lot of but take it, my friend, and go Gosh Okay. Well, thank you for having me so excited to be in this space and just to, I'm giving you like a whole lot of oh.
Speaker 3:I can go for it, but come on but take it, my friend, and go Gosh, okay. Well, thank you for having me so excited to be in this space and just to encourage whoever is listening to this podcast right now. Um, my name is Elena. I'm originally from California, santa Barbara to be exact, and full transparency.
Speaker 3:My whole life I've battled a really bad eating disorder. So I remember in third grade looking in the mirror, hating what I saw, and so I remember in third grade thinking these kids on the playground don't like me. I need to figure out what's wrong with me, and I just associated it has to be my body. Wow. And so and I mean third grade, that's pretty young, that's very young. I mean girls as young as four are now struggling with body image. It's proven that women as young as four years old are wanting to lose weight, and so I just was part of that demographic, even though that was 20 years ago. I'm 32 now, and so that really led to my whole life believing that my body was the problem and the solution to being liked, to having a guy like me to be popular, popular to anything, was fixed. My body improve my life, wow. And so I got to high school. Big part of my story is even a guy verbalizing like if you were just thinner you'd be hotter, and that triggered anorexia. That triggers working with personal trainer.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That led to bulimia, which then, getting to college, led to a binge eating disorder. Wow, and so really, truly have gone.
Speaker 2:whatever you, You've really run the gamut with it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I've done everything possible to get what I think would satisfy and the hard thing is is I got it Like I lost the weight, looked the part and I never satisfied and it was just chasing after this thing, which I know we're going to jump into the Bible and Genesis, but it's just the apple that tells you, like me, just take a bite, and once you get a bite you'll have it and you'll be satisfied. But really got to college and that's where I landed in eating disorder counseling really severely. Never had to go to treatment like outpatient, but when I graduated college after going all through that, I was just like I want to enter into a space to encourage women to not believe the lies. I've believed my whole life and for me that was fitness. So if you're local to Fort Worth, I worked at Zen 22 for six years and my philosophy was there's 55 bikes in one room, you are strapped in, I've got a microphone attached to my head and you can't leave and so I will preach all day long at why your body's least important thing about you and it was so fun because I got to play music do these random crazy things on a bike and remind women like you are loved, your body is valuable, but it's not the most important thing about you and that just the lord allowed that to then translate to personal training and then did that.
Speaker 3:And then COVID hit. A big part of my story is a broken engagement, but that really is what allowed me to launch into kind of what I'm doing now. But through that breakup I ended up starting my own business during COVID and then got pulled out of that, went to seminary, graduated seminary. It's like a church year long program, basically like seminary to what I'm doing now which is Noble, and Noble is a fitness, faith and body image ministry that we basically believe in putting on a workout followed by a Bible study or a lesson over what does the Bible have to say around body image, fitness and food. Originally it wasn't Fort Worth. We had rented out gyms. We ended up pop's gym enduro lab and we did these five-week programs for college women, we did for high school girls, we did it for young adults um, we did mother daughter at one point and I bet that was powerful. Oh, yes, that I mean my hope and goal, which we are now no longer doing the five-week programs and now we're doing full-on retreats.
Speaker 2:In 2025, we will be putting on a mother-daughter one that's so fascinatingly, amazingly awesome, because body image and identity tends to span generations.
Speaker 3:Oh, it's biological, it's genetics, it's literally passed down. My grandma had one, my other grandma had one, my mom had one. Like it is literally passed down.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because our, our traumas, which I mean a third grader, a third grader, like I can't sit with that for too long, otherwise I will probably dissolve into tears because I can't imagine a third grader. How old were you in third grade? Eight, yeah, I mean. Gosh. I mean you should be worried about like sports, yeah, like it's. You know, like, am I going to get to swing on the swing or do I get? I have to have somebody to do the seesaw with me, like, yeah, like it's, it doesn't need to be that complex. Yeah, the other one.
Speaker 2:So our traumas, like our traumas, settle in our DNA and so that is traumatic and so, you're right, it spans generations One of the things that I think is so unique there's so many things I think are unique about what you're doing but one of the things that really highlights to me that's unique. Having recovered from an eating disorder, often what you see is someone who does not have a good relationship with fitness and there's a lot. There's sort of a tug of war there, but you're like racing headlong into it and making it a really foundational part of your approach, because you think about longevity, like we think about longevity and how do we live longer and live better lives, have better mental health and fitness is part of it. Yeah, movement weight, you know lifting weights, you know those types of things and you're not shying away from that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I do want to caveat we just got done with our first retreat in Waco. So we've done a retreat for college women, young adults, guys who went to Costa Rica for spring break in March of 2024. And we just got back from Waco. We had 60 women ranging anywhere from 20 to 30s, and we had some women that are battling a severe eating disorder. I tread lightly into that space only because I wouldn't say that we're necessarily eating disorder ministry. No, of course not. We're a body image ministry, because I don't like we have professionals that come and attend these retreats with us, because I believe in the power of Bible plus science plus counseling. There's so much going on with that. But there are women that we have to make sure that they are approved by their team and counselors to be approved of exercise.
Speaker 3:To move, to move, because I know that there is. I mean, you're not allowed to exercise if you're not eating. That's right. And so we had women that were in retreatment. We had to get approval from their team to get even allow them on the trip.
Speaker 3:But what I believe is the purpose behind movement is that it's an act of worship, it's honoring to your body and we have created something that the Lord has given us for good and taking it and turn it into bad, and it talks about in the New Testament, for training is of some value, but godliness training for godliness has been for this life and next. And so the question is just like, what are you doing? You doing more? Like? Are you so focused on your fitness routine? Because, yes, this has value and it's healthy to move, but also culture and society has taken fitness and turn it into something that, if we don't hit this amount of time and burn this amount of calories and do this type of workout, what are you doing? Because this is the type of thing that you need to do to look a certain way, I kind of flip it on top of his head of going. What do you like to do? Like we are not supposed to live this life consumed with rules. We're supposed to live this life. Come on, enjoy, love this. And so what do you like?
Speaker 3:And so some girls are saying I like to walk, but I know that walking isn't as good as this type of exercise. It's like, no, what do you enjoy? Because, even scientifically speaking, if we look at health, you only need a moderate exercise for 20 to 30 minutes a day, like moderate exercise, a brisk walk. You will have health, you will lower your cholesterol, you'll lower your blood pressure. All these things will decrease just by 20 to 30 minutes of Brist. And then, if you want to go intense, it's only three days a week, that from 40 to 60 minutes of intense exercise that you need to have health benefits Right.
Speaker 3:But Holter has made exercise as a means to weight loss, and weight loss is a result of approval, identity, love, and so I'm just trying to change it. It was so powerful because I had amazing fitness trainers come on this retreat to lead the workouts and I told the girls before they said they go, some of you will be frustrated after this, some of you will go, that's it, and that's the point, because that's all you actually need. And what if we restored exercise to be something fun, something that gives us energy, something that is enjoyable, rather than something we are forced to do have to do in order to maintain a body size that a lot of you? I always say this if your body size currently is a nightmare to maintain, it might not be the body size that your body feels for intended for.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what's so interesting about this? I love the way. I love the way you're conceptualizing this. What's so interesting is I remember, um, I was training for a 50 mile race and I remember that's probably one of the sickest times in my life. I got pneumonia the week before I got a virus the week before I was supposed to toe up on the start line and like three or four days before the start of the race, because I was just going to run through it and I was like, wait, what am I doing? And one of my friends who's a physician. She said you're going to get cancer If you do this to your body, just like. I'm going to pray that God strikes you with something that prevents you from running and I get pneumonia.
Speaker 3:I'm like thanks why.
Speaker 2:But I'm glad I didn't do it because it took me. I'm not and again, I'm not. I'm not saying and I don't believe you're saying that doing those longer, the you know, the endurance races and all that, there's nothing wrong with that. If anything, I think what you're proposing is let's take the freaking judgment and the condemnation off of all of this and let's evaluate it for what it was. And I enjoyed it. I enjoyed doing that. But what I realized was I didn't have enough recovery. I was doing too many things at once and it just took a toll on my body and so it I think it broke something inside of me. And now it's that space of saying, okay, now what do I enjoy? And it's approaching it from a place of not being condemning, yes, of self, so that we can be more curious. Who are you? Who are you designed to be?
Speaker 3:and I think it goes down to motives a lot of times like why and I once again that is tied to identity. Because if you're working out because you need to lose weight, that isn't actually a weight loss or a fitness problem, that is an identity problem, because oftentimes, once again, my ministry is called noble. Here's why because when you believe that you're the daughter of the most high king, that, I believe, is the solution to breaking free from body image and insecurity. And I always joke around that if Prince William walked in this room, he's not nervous about what people are thinking. He knows who he is. But if you are in Christ and you know your identity, you have the same confidence of going man.
Speaker 3:The God who split the red sea in half calls me his. Why do I care what you think about my body? My king knit me together in my mother's womb intentionally, and knitting is a long process. He was intentional in the way he made you short or tall, brunette or blonde, thick-thighed or thin-thighed. There's so much to that and what I have seen from a woman who has battled this my whole life. The only thing that has ever set me free is believing in what God says about me rather than what culture demands of me. And so, once again, going back to motives, we need to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves because you don't want to say because, it just comes down to motives.
Speaker 3:My motives for working out for majority of my life was to train my body because I didn't believe I was enough. And it's powerful when you take a step back and you check your motors on everything and you start to realize that if you fix the problem of knowing your identity is a problem, get that right and then your security is secure and then exercise can come from a place of man. I love this. I'm going to do this because it gives me the energy to run around with my kids or whatever, but identity at its core is the problem.
Speaker 2:If you are feeling the need to overexercise every day but that might be a hot take, yeah, one which I agree with and I love in the sense that we do need to understand who we are. And I always say that, well, there's one and one only time when Jesus answers a question with a direct answer, just once. Every other time he answers into the parable. Yep, one time, and it was when he was asked by, he sent off the Sadducees. The Pharisee attorney comes and I always say, slithering, sorry, everybody up to him and says okay, rabbi, and the Greek says that it's kind of a contentious tone, it's sort of a mocking tone. Okay, teacher, which of all of these laws and they were two good scholars, they knew there were 613 laws which of all these 613 laws is the greatest? Even Mesa B, he says love, thank you, bono, is 613 laws. Which of all these 613 laws is the greatest? He doesn't miss a beat. He says love, thank you, bono, is the highest law for you, you two fans, love is the highest law.
Speaker 2:Love who first? And then he creates a schematic level of your guy with our heart, soul and mind. And the second one is much like the first that we would love our neighbor. And we stop. That's not what he said. Yeah, we would love our neighbor, how, as ourselves, the way we love ourselves. So it's a, it's a, it's an inverted sentence. Loving others is predicated on loving self. So, truthfully, the God of the universe says love the Lord, your God, love God, love God, love yourself, so that you have the capacity to love others. And I look at that in a way of like how we form our worldview. We have to have a set of values. Okay, so you don't believe in God. Okay, you have to have a sense of value. What do you value? If you don't know what you value, you will not know what you're utilizing to formulate who you are. So you have to have a sense of values that you and I would say we we believe in God.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's our sense of value, yeah, so everything we look toward is that truth Next is now based on that truth. Who am I? Now we have a sense of identity. Now we know where we are, now that I know that, now I know who I am and what I might be able to offer to you as an other. And I think that the generations that are coming up now, the Gen Z and the millennial generation, I think you fall into those right and I like the millennial generation. I think I think you fall into those right.
Speaker 2:I think that you all are beautifully changing the landscape of our world in a way of vulnerability and a demand of vulnerability which is what to me sounds like you're asking for in noble is be vulnerable, explore, be curious, learn your body. Is be vulnerable, explore, be curious, learn your body. If your body doesn't, uh, if you're not good at pull-ups, okay, you're probably good at squatting. Yeah, like, find what you do well and what you enjoy. But you asking you, I think this generation demanding vulnerability, I think is really beautiful, because vulnerability happens on the others, like you know what I'm saying by that. It happens between you and another, your neighbor.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, in order to be vulnerable, I have to have a self. Yeah, in order to have to have a self, I have to have values. Yeah, in order to have values, I'm going to divide, going to derive a self. In order, when I have a self, I'm going to want to have connection with another. Yeah, and it's anyway it. To me it's like this beautiful, like movement, totally, if you tip it on its side. To me it looks like a half pipe, because yes, half pipe yes, and it's like we just keep moving through the sense of identity with one another.
Speaker 3:I think it's just healing yeah, and I think it's so important because, for those that maybe don't have a faith, I just I heard it was out for you, because what has changed this and what changed all these women this weekend was in culture, with weight loss, with body image, with image, it's always changing, right? You know what I'm saying? And it's a multi-billion dollar, and if they created this one body that was decent, where they accepted everybody's okay, they would lose multi-billion dollar business. And so they're constantly going to send out messages of this year, this is the move, this diet is good this year, this diet's right, this is in, this is out, and it's just constantly confusing.
Speaker 3:And so what is so powerful about what I believe in, when it set me free, is the one opinion that never changes, is the Lord's, the one opinion, the one standard, that is, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are my beloved daughter and son. That I'm well pleased with. It doesn't change. So, no matter what you look like in the mirror, you aren't going up and down compared to culture. Culture is this emotional rollercoaster that's going to tell you you're good one day but bad the next, based on what you eat, how you look, what you do, what you say, kind of going back to what you said, this condemnation, this guilt and shame and the guilt and shame triggers. You need to be better all the time, and the only place that I believe you will ever find no guilt and shame is the Bible, with the Lord. Romans 8 says therefore, there's no condemnation, there's no guilt and shame for those who in Christ Jesus. And it is so powerful when you actually get to rest that your identity is secure with the King of the universe, because he's the one that made you, he's the one that loves you, and that has just changed everything for me.
Speaker 3:Because if we are constantly seeking identity from these things, what happens when you lose it? You're going to be tossed around in the winds and the waves constantly going forth, and that was my whole life. I'm going to get identity from the body. Okay, I got the body. Now I'm going to find identity from the boys. I'm going to get the boys and I got the boys and it just didn't work. So I got it from alcohol, I got it from drugs, like, and that is where it led me to. So, not just some Bible thumper girlie who has been like oh, I just tried Jesus. It's like no, I've tried everything and it left me empty, vulnerable and lost, and the one thing that changed why it's called noble is that my identity is secure and it just brings this piece that then allows this form of connection, cause that even goes into food, because, well, I mean, we had dietitians that came and spoke at this retreat and we just talked about weight and just go man.
Speaker 3:A lot of times we think that this we I'm going to try to communicate this effectively we talked a lot about health and weight and how often we relate to if we fix our weight, we will fix our health. Often we relate to if we fix our weight, we will fix our health, but what she debunked is it's actually the things that we are doing in order to lose weight. It are the symptoms of us not having good health, correct? So if we are starving ourselves, overeating, under-exercising, over-exercising, these are the problems, not the weight. Our weight is a by-product as a result, right, and so we're getting it mixed up compared to being in connection with the body that the lord made perfectly connecting with when we're hungry, stopping when we're full, moving when we need to move and resting when we need to rest it.
Speaker 2:Once again, it's just this we have a beautiful body that works we do, and one of the things that I want to throw in as a caveat to those who are listening is that there's church hurt.
Speaker 3:Yes, there's church hurt abundance?
Speaker 2:Yes, and there is. There are reasons why, unfortunately, there are really devastating reasons why some people cannot find peace in their own body, and a lot of that boils down to trauma, yes, and a lot it boils down to some thing or someone misusing, yes, and harming and destroying certain parts, and so I I want to throw that out there and I believe wholeheartedly that you are totally in agreement with that.
Speaker 3:We actually bring in professionals to talk about violation and abuse. So we have people that, like we do a breakout session on that for women that have experienced that form of trauma how to start healing in the process. So I'm so sensitive to that and for the women or men that are listening to this podcast, like I want you to know that I'm so sorry that it's part of your story. Church hurt is actually something I address majorly because I am so passionate about men. I'm so sorry that you've learned that this place is not safe. Yeah, church is a place of rules. It's a place of condemnation.
Speaker 2:It's a place of like it's your fault, be better, fix it right, and that really is, which is not a different message than the body image, exactly, and so you look at it's, it's not just body image where this false message of be better strive to be up here. It's like can we find a place? Can we find a place? Can we find a group of people who can accept us where we are and continue yes, accept us where we are and continue to call us to something more, but not something more than we are?
Speaker 3:yeah but something more of discovering who we are yeah, and that's where vulnerability is the beginning and that's where I mean I literally say the point. We were doing the five-week programs and we went to the retreat model specifically because when you are pulled outside of your normal environment, placed into an environment with a group of women all dealing with the same things, desiring freedom, there's a vulnerability that happens on a vacation. I mean, you've done that, you've gone on trips with friends and what happens and I always joke around, but I always say what happens on the retreat is equivalent to 20 coffee dates with someone. Yeah, it is, and it's just powerful. And so that's really why we took out the fort worth just working out at a studio on a retreat is equivalent to 20 coffee dates with someone.
Speaker 3:Yeah it is and it's just powerful, and so that's really why we took out, before we're just working out at a studio, to putting you into a place that you are infiltrated with truth, infiltrated with vulnerability, and whether you come in as a believer or not we have plenty of women that came in that don't know god, but it's this environment I was like. You are safe here to just be, because that's what identity is is when you can just be you, that's right, who you've designed to be. Take away the striving, take away the doing, take away all the things you think you have to be, you need to be, and just rest. That is freedom. Yeah, that because I take it from a professional striver you'll never be able to win. Yeah, striver, you'll never be able to win. Yeah, you'll never arrive. That's made me better. You'll never arrive in striving promises us arrival it so does.
Speaker 2:And you think about. I believe we were given the physical to understand the metaphysical better. That's my belief. Yeah, and I remember my very first marathon. I'd run a bunch of half marathons and I thought, oh, a marathon should be easy not easy, but it should be conceptually not difficult. I can put two back to back halves and go for it. What I realized was I kept thinking about the finish line. I kept thinking when I get there, it's going to be great. When I get there, it's going to be great. And I ran New York, like New York was my first marathon. How amazing, right. And I got there and I was so pissed off, I was so angry, I was like this does nothing for me. And I remember my phone died. I had a splitting headache, I couldn't connect with my wife, I couldn't find my wife and all that. So I had to walk back to the hotel. I'm glad I had to walk. It was by design.
Speaker 2:I had to walk back to the hotel by myself and I was like a mile or two away and I just remember thinking so many angry thoughts and then thinking like I wasted my time. Why did I do that? And then I started thinking, no, this is a process. You were looking at it from a step away from, so how process? You were looking at it from a step away from, so how? If the results orientation is what I'm stepping away from, how do I need to approach this? Do I run another marathon? And I did. I went to Missoula, montana, and the way I approached it was mile by mile.
Speaker 4:I started running mile one.
Speaker 2:And mile one I was like, man, you're beautiful. Now, granted, it was beautiful because that's where they filmed. The river runs through it. Yeah, it's gorgeous, I'm running along. And mile two I was like, hey, thanks, mile one, I can't wait to see what you have for me. Mile two, and I would say that out loud. And then, by the time I got to the end, it was like this, this religious experience where I'm like hugging the people.
Speaker 2:And this was. This was the arrival that I was looking for, because it was part of a process, and to me, that's what you're offering these ladies in this retreat is. This isn't a results-oriented thing. This is a process-oriented endeavor, like let's be on this process together.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and our tagline is fitness that sets you free. But reality is just truth that sets you free. And what my goal is to infiltrate you is truth, truth. And I don't claim that this heals you, I don't claim that, hey, come on three day retreat. You'll never struggle with body image, you'll never show with relation, poor relationship, with food, exactly, but it is. I'm gonna give you truth that if you continue to walk in the path believing these truths, I believe there is freedom that offers you more freedom than any diet or exercise plan ever will.
Speaker 3:Because, once again, we all, if you're a woman in any way, shape or form I think 98% of women have been on a diet in their life as well as men Um, we've seen that it never actually satisfies and 95% of diets fail us anyway.
Speaker 3:So we always end up gaining it back.
Speaker 3:And something's really powerful that when you can go day by day believing the truth, taking your thoughts captive, renewing your mind, focusing on what is true and fighting against cultures, lies that tell you all these things are the solution, that is the process, and slowly you're going to be able to look back and go oh my gosh, I feel more free than I've ever felt.
Speaker 3:I don't feel enslaved to a diet and I don't feel hungry, I don't feel overworked, right and it's just. But it's a process and we're we need to accept the process. And the process is good because in that you learn, like I look back on my 20 year however long I, I don't know 25 year eating disorder and while it was so painful and, yes, a lot of it was because I wasn't willing to do to surrender, I kept tight, gripping all these things. But my hope in these retreats is just can I offer you truth? Can I offer you truth? And if you fight to believe this, I promise you it will bring you more closer to what you're looking for than anything that Instagram, tiktok and culture will supply you, and what I see and hear from you that you also offer, it's not just truth, it's also love.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a place to be accepted for who you are. It's a place to know that you're safe. It's a place to know that we're going to find you and there's value in that. Yeah, over and over and over again.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that was my favorite part about this weekend Girls all were terrified about coming. Sure, they're like I don't know anyone, I'm terrified, I don't know if I should come. Every girl left, meeting friends, finding community, and it was crazy because so many women kept coming up to me. They just were tears in their eyes going. Thank you, I've. I've been counseling, I've been to church programs and the truth that was in this space was unlike anything I've ever heard, because once again, it involved all these different components vulnerability, transformation, truth in a way they hadn't heard it before. But it was also mixed with dietitians, counselors, like all these other aspects were also there too. So it was just all of it incubated in a three day retreat.
Speaker 2:But I think the key to what you're talking about and I think that this is one of the things that I think is missing in mental health and counseling, in therapy and treatment is that there isn't a call for vulnerability. Yes, there really truly is more of a call to let's give you a new process, let's give you a new this and, yes, process is important, yes, but vulnerability is. Vulnerability is the oil that keeps the engine running. So, absolutely, you need a process so that there is an engine. If you don't put oil in the engine, that engine's going to freeze up and it's not going to work again. There's going to be a lot of damage here. So vulnerability and the ability to be, I think, is so needed.
Speaker 3:You just don't get that. You can be vulnerable in a counseling office. It's a one-on-one and anyone can do that one-on-one. We did really, really powerful exercises where women had to write down lies and believe about themselves and they have to be in a small group. And I made them put the papers in the middle. You had to grab one, you had to read the lies that your friend wrote about them.
Speaker 3:You didn't know who it was, but seeing one that every other woman in the circle will be the exact same thing, do you believe that you're not alone, right? That just creates this empowerment to move forward in a way of like, let's do this together in vulnerability, like. I truly believe. I say this all the time. I believe vulnerability is the beginning of freedom. You have to be vulnerable in the same way that I'm not married, I'm single, but I can imagine and maybe you can speak more to this that and I mean I've seen this, I've been engaged relationships, but when you finally say the thing that's been hurtful or hard, it creates reconciliation in a beautiful way and you start to feel free. Yes, vulnerability creates freedom. Vulnerability creates freedom.
Speaker 2:It so does with a, with a meaningful caveat that we don't misunderstand and I don't think you are, but we don't misunderstand that vulnerability is and I'm air quoting, speaking my truth, yes, that is. I think we often use one, we often bastardize vulnerability to believe that this is. I'm just going to say what I think. I'm not going to consider who's with me, because vulnerability, with true vulnerability, you have the greater opportunity to beget more vulnerability, and I think that's what you're describing in your, in your retreats, which I think is fantastic. And yet, all too often, we say well, I'm just going to tell you I don't like this about you, it's like that's not vulnerability, that's just rude. Yeah, because vulnerability is about me, it's not about you, not at all.
Speaker 3:I mean, it's just think it's, this is me. It's like you're laying you on a table. It's like right, this is how I really feel.
Speaker 3:This is what I really think, with no ulterior motive to attack or offend, but truly, just like. I'm gonna show you the inner parts of myself, that is so hard for me to let people in, but I think what's so freeing about this and what I've seen breathe through exist in these retreats is when they do that they realize they're not alone, yeah, and they realize that they're loved, because these women and I mean we prayed over each other like they wrote down these lies. They had someone else read it over them and then everyone put their hand on each other and prayed over it that we would not believe those lies anymore and there was no shame and there was no condemnation. Grand, I'm not married.
Speaker 3:I can imagine that's true, you're in a married setting, but in this sense, women were like I said the thing that I've never said out loud and I was accepted. I wasn't shamed for it, because a lot of times I believe in vulnerability. We can often believe if I say it out loud, I'll be rejected. If I say it out loud, people can't know the real me.
Speaker 3:But something that I live by is you'll never know if people love the real you if you aren't you right because otherwise they're gonna love the fake version of you and you'll never live free, because then you'll have to manage, you'll have to protect, you'll have to be what you think other people expect you to be, when they never ask you to be anything different. It's just you put on this image that you think you need to be. But just what if you were like for this? A lot of it with volume is what if you let your body be where it's supposed to be and see what happens? You don't know if someone will choose you based on that body size, if you never let yourself actually go to that body size because there's so much power in going. Oh, I didn't lose friends when I stopped dieting.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's interacting with what? The potential of truth? Yes, and when we have anxieties we tend to, one of the treatments that we tend to do is we have phobias, we have fears. We have to look at those phobias and fears and see oh my gosh, we're not going to die. I don't like heights. Oh my gosh, we're not going to die like I don't like heights. Uh, it's a, it's a genetic thing I don't like heights. And so when I'm, you know, in a like, say, new york, I will walk to the edge of a, of an overlook, and I will look down and I'm like, okay, I didn't die. Yeah, I was really scared so alive and I didn't die, you know, or the you.
Speaker 2:I go for a hike with my brother, you know, for whatever reason it skipped him because he enjoys it. And I look over and I'm like, okay, I'm not, I'm fine here, and it's that place of going up to it. And again, you go up to it reasonably, with the ability to regulate your nervous system, and that's where I think what you're calling for is vulnerability. But you're also creating and clearing out a very safe space in these retreats that that women can really like there isn't going to be. If somebody is vulnerable, they're not going to go. Yeah, that's what I was thinking about. You, you are all those things Like. That's not tolerated. Therefore, there is a safety that you are providing that is giving these ladies an opportunity to show up, to show up authentically them, and you're saying no, no, no. The guidelines here are such that we're going to honor this and if you can't honor it, keep your mouth shut.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it's so beautiful though, because they're desperate for it. We all are, everyone is and one of my favorite things I mean we do all these like different exercise. One of them is I make them take a photo. They partner up and they make them take a photo with their partner they're not allowed to show their partner yet and they write down the first things that come to mind when we see their partner's photo. You know so, and I love the exercise because it's so powerful, because at the end of the lesson I make them swap and you now see the photo of yourself and you have to write down the first things you see.
Speaker 3:And it's hilarious because it's always the opposite. Sure, every single time. Sure, she goes. One girl goes rosy cheeks, red cheeks, beautiful, uh, love her ponytail, messy ponytail. Uh, love her eyes, um, squinty eyes, like. It's always like. Like her nose is petite and cute and fun and hers is my nose is. It's always like. Like her nose is petite and cute and fun and hers is my nose is disgusting and needs a nose job. And it's funny how we see through these lenses of no one ever sees the things that we see when we look at ourselves in the mirror.
Speaker 3:No one ever sees the things that we're often anxious about, we're fearful of. People actually often see the best. We are our own worst critics, critics. And so it's so beautiful and just in general when you realize, one, that no one's thinking about you the way you're thinking about you. No one's thinking about you because they're thinking about themselves, right, and. But it just allowed that vulnerability to not only see that no one is thinking the lies you believe about yourself, to then eventually get into the last night where we had to confess the lies and everyone is just not alone in it. You're not alone, and I think vulnerability I mean I remember when I was in college and I was struggling with my binge eating disorder, I was like I need everyone to know that I'm struggling so they don't think I'm just getting wasted every weekend and just gaining all this weight.
Speaker 3:But it was like I'm struggling and the amount of women at Tcu that came forward saying me too, was so powerful, because I think, whether you're battling an emus or body image whatever, if you can raise your hand and say me too, it opens a door sure for women and men alike to be known and a lot of people you might just need to be the bold one to say like I'm struggling. And that's why this weekend is so powerful, because they just took the first step in saying, obviously I'm struggling if I'm here, but then it created this environment of everyone being like then let's fight to not believe anymore.
Speaker 2:I love that so the retreats. How often do you do them?
Speaker 3:So the goal for we just did our first one, and the goal for 2025 is to host. My goal is minimum four, and my guess is we're going to do mother-daughter college. Um, we're launching this on tcu campus in a really big way and I'm so, so excited. And all of this honestly comes down we're non-profit, so it requires funding, sure, um, so just praying bold prayers for that um, but we're going to do a college one, a young adult one, a mother daughter one.
Speaker 3:And then the fourth one is still a little unclear, maybe another young adult, but the goal is eventually to do one for new brides, because a lot of times when you get married you will get a new one's way, and to have a biblical view of sex be taught. And then another one is pre and postpartum moms. Pre and postpartum moms because a lot of women will get out of baby changes, but that's a good design. But what if we taught you that that is a good design. You don't have to bounce back. And then we have trainers to come in to teach you how to work out in a way that's good for your body. And then honoring.
Speaker 3:And then another one that I believe will be within the next year or so is a retreat specifically for those who have been violated and abused, to remind them that their body is a temple of the holy spirit, no matter what's happened to you, and to restore that identity into them, because a lot of women I mean no matter what struggle it is like you, just you will.
Speaker 3:Your identity is stripped from you when you're in that vulnerable position and we want to help restore it, and so that is the the goal for 2025, full-blown TCU club. We were going to do a workout in the Greek, followed up by a lesson on these topics, bringing in licensed professionals, counselors, providing resources for all college women. I mean, tcu is supposedly in top 10 eating cert colleges in the country, so it's very, very prevalent but while also providing retreats in Texas but I mean only 10 women were from Texas at this retreat. Oh really, it was crazy. Every woman was from a different part, because I have a podcast called Call Her Holy, so every woman was from Canada, mexico, maine, florida, like all across the country, new York, yes, so two things One, how, if somebody wants to donate to this, to this, tell us how to do that.
Speaker 3:Gosh, if you want to donate to this, I would love to either grab coffee with you, get to know you, but it would just be going to areyounoblecom and it says support in the top right corner. Okay, but the goal is is that, I mean, every single penny of donations goes straight back into this ministry and it goes straight back to getting this message and really truly a big one is generational curses.
Speaker 4:Eventually, the goal is to do high school, middle school, elementary, I just can't do it all on my own and that's going to require hiring women and hiring a team which all requires funding.
Speaker 2:Second question is so somebody wants to go on the retreat. Are you noblecom?
Speaker 3:Are you noblecom? Yep, we are dropping our calendar for the next year within the next month or two. Okay, so if you join the email list you just go to, are you noblecom? There will be a pop-up immediately that says drop your name. You put your name email in there. We will be sending out in the next month or so, four to six weeks. Here's our retreat schedule for 2025.
Speaker 2:If somebody wants to follow you and know more about the things that you're talking about in a greater, more long-form way, tell us your. So you call her Holy. Call her Holy.
Speaker 3:It's a spin-off of Call Her Daddy. Don't look it up. It's a terrible podcast. It's the worst podcast for young women in the country, but it's also the number one podcast in our country with terrible advice, and so we named it Call Her Holy, so that it provides alternative information and counsel.
Speaker 4:If you found value in our discussion and wish to uncover more about the fascinating world of mental wellness, don't forget to Thank you. Have you with us every step of the way. Until next time, keep exploring, keep growing and remember to celebrate restored freedom as you uncover it.
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