Anonymous: My Need for Control Is Really Just a Fear of Uncertainty

In today's conversation, an anonymous guest opens up about her struggle with control and what she discovers is driving it.

What starts as a conversation about morning routines and a son who moves at his own pace, slowly unravels into something much deeper: the internal alarm that fires when a plan slips, the urgency that has nothing to do with breakfast schedules, and the exhausting pattern of looking to the people around her to quiet something that lives on the inside.

Through it all, one question anchors the conversation. Where am I in this?

If you've ever snapped at someone you love and sensed it was really about something else, or felt like your peace depends on everyone else getting it together, this one is for you.

Get Dr. Lee Long's book WAIT, Where Am I in This here: https://tinyurl.com/mtfm6bh8

The WAIT, Let's Talk About That with Dr. Lee Long podcast is intended solely for general informational purposes and does not represent the practice of medicine, therapeutic and psychiatric services, nursing, or other professional health care services. It also does not constitute the provision of medical, therapeutic or psychiatric advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is established. The information on this podcast and any materials linked from it are used at the user's own risk. The content provided through this podcast should not be considered a replacement for professional medical, therapeutic, or psychiatric advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It is important that users do not ignore or postpone seeking medical, therapeutic, or psychiatric advice for any health or mental health condition they might have, and should always consult with their health care professionals regarding such conditions.

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Transcript

Cold Open Finding Yourself

SPEAKER_01 0:02

So historically, what I hear you saying is you've looked to the environment to quell that for you. Right. But this morning, you look to you to quell that for you. Right. Holy smokes, you found yourself.

The WAIT Question Explained

SPEAKER_01 0:19

Welcome to Wait. Let's talk about that, a podcast where real people work through real moments, live and anonymous. I'm Dr. Lee Long.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

And I'm Lila Pond. Today we're talking about something every parent knows deep in their bones. The gap between the parent you mean to be and the parent you actually are when everything falls apart at 7 a.m. on a Tuesday morning.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

That's so true. Parenting has a way of finding our unfinished places. The button we didn't know was still there gets pushed by someone three feet tall and sometimes taller. And suddenly we're reacting instead of responding.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

And that's where the wait method comes in. One simple question that creates just enough space to change the whole moment. Where am I in this?

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Our guest today is Staying Anonymous, and we're going to walk through it together in real time.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

So before you react to whatever's waiting for you at home, take a good listen to all of this, and then let's talk about that.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

So before we begin, a quick disclaimer this conversation is for educational and entertainment purposes only. Although I'm a licensed professional counselor in Texas, this podcast is not therapy, does not create a counselor-client relationship, it is not medical or mental health advice. By participating, our guest understands this recording is public and consents to us editing and publishing the conversation. You confirm?

SPEAKER_02 2:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Okay. Well, thank you for being here. Of course. As we talked about before we began this morning, I've written a book. In the book, there's these principles that we're trying to convey. And what I have found is the principles are very simple, but simple doesn't equate to easy. So what I've found is people understand them cognitively, but experientially it's difficult. Because what I'm asking is, and the chief concept of the book is a question that I really hope that the world begins to ask themselves. Where am I in this? That's an acronym. The acronym is WAIT.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Wait, where am I in this? And I've had people who go through this and they begin to understand, okay, where am I in this? Well, she made me, and it's like, wait, where am I? And so that's the premise of what we're trying to illustrate. Okay. And so what interpersonal or what conflict or interpersonal situation do you have for us to unpack and to find you?

The Morning Routine Control Trap

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Okay. So a struggle that I have within myself or a struggle you have with somebody else. I think one that comes to mind is definitely just like a control, like wanting things done in a sense of urgency that I feel is appropriate. Okay. And I mean I could relate that to my son and I, or I could relate that to maybe like a work, like a team thing. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

So which do you feel more comfortable talking about? You and your son, or you and a team?

SPEAKER_02 3:43

Let's talk about me and my son.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

Okay, perfect. Perfect. So could you give me an example of where you experience something that you have a sense of urgency for, or whatever situation you have, let's unpack it.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

Sure. I mean, I could even talk about this morning and the struggle. Uh so getting up in the morning, there's a routine that we've kind of established. And I know that or I feel that my son thrives on routine. So I try to provide that for him. Okay. Whether that's true or not. Uh-huh. And catch. So, you know, wake up at a certain time, make sure you eat breakfast, make sure. So all of those points are at certain time intervals, right? I think that you should have this many hours of sleep. Therefore, you wake up at this time and then, you know, you ease. And then that way you're not rushed around. And I would say that it's done to protect frustration, him being flustered, you know, me being flustered. So I think that, but what happens is I will be like, okay, it's it's 6 30 and he hasn't eaten breakfast. And I want the first thing inside me wants to be like, what are you doing? You need to be done with this. And then it leads to like a rushing thing. And I know that.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Um Which makes you which leaves you where? What are you feeling? Because the everything I hear from you right now is it makes you focus on son, not self.

SPEAKER_02 5:06

Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

So what what's that feeling? If there's a rush, what's the feeling inside of you?

SPEAKER_02 5:12

The feeling inside of me is frustration with him.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

Okay. Why with him?

SPEAKER_02 5:17

Because I feel like we've gone over it so like done this so many times. And I feel I will say that I know in the back of my head, like it is not right for me to be upset with him per se.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

I don't know that it's wrong for you to be upset with him, but the upset is still externalized. Right. But that's half the equation. What's the other half is is you, is where are you? I'm upset. I'm frustrated with him.

SPEAKER_02 5:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

But it makes me experience what? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:48

Yeah. I I guess I am frustrated and angry, not like super angry, but just kind of like because I know that he'll freak out. And then I have to solve that on top of myself and my daughter and everything else. It's like, I just want to make sure that I set myself up for success. And I guess that I it's not that I don't want to like stop everything that I'm doing, but it's like I do, I have to when he gets into the state of panic himself.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

Okay, which leaves you feeling what?

SPEAKER_02 6:24

Frustrated.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

Okay. Yeah. Do you feel responsible for him? For the situation, for him?

SPEAKER_02 6:31

No.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

You don't?

SPEAKER_02 6:32

I don't.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

I feel like he's being irresponsible.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

Okay, but come back to you.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Right? This is where this is good because this is really illustrating when we fire up our emotions, we're really good at pushing everything out and saying, no, no. No, I don't feel like I'm gonna be evaluating myself as a good or a bad parent. Right. No, it's you, Bucco.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

And you need to change.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

And you need to be better. No, I do. I feel like there's something missing that I'm missing to get through to him, which is something that I definitely I'm aware of that I work on a lot is just how I can be a better communicator, how I can set him up for success in a better way.

Let Consequences Teach Without Yelling

SPEAKER_02 7:19

And then even just this morning, I took a second when I had the urge to say, get it down here, you're late. Like I stopped and waited and I said, What would be the consequence? And it's that he wouldn't be prepared and that he would have to learn without me yelling at him.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

And it worked.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

Okay, let's talk through that. What was it that caused you to pause to say, what would the consequence be?

SPEAKER_02 7:45

I think it was that working on myself and that like I don't need to be in control of every situation.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

And I'm aware of that because of you. And that if I just practice a little bit more patience, I know that I don't have the highest patience with him specifically, probably because he can trigger me in the sense of come back to you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

I get triggered because that behavior triggers me because.

SPEAKER_02 8:18

Yeah, that behave his behavior triggers me because it is to me, again, is that just it's it's not like lazy, but it feels lazy and it feels like he is. I feel like when he doesn't do things to my speed, that he is kind of being like F you.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

So you take it as an affront?

SPEAKER_02 8:40

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

Because again, that's it's still focused a lot on him. Right. And I feel like when he, it's not that behavior. Because let me ask you this. If it was anybody else who is exhibiting that behavior, would it leave you feeling the same way? Or is it when it comes from son?

SPEAKER_02 9:00

I think when it comes from son because it directly affects me. Like if it's someone else's kid or something else, and and it can be like tied to work in that way when it affects my performance.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

Yes. Okay, let's stay with that.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Because if if it affects my performance, then where am I? What does it say about me?

SPEAKER_02 9:21

Right. I guess with him, his situation, again, it just kind of will throw me off my trajectory.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

Okay. And if I'm thrown off my trajectory, what do I feel about that? What do I think about that?

SPEAKER_02 9:35

I think that it's, I mean, I guess what I want to think is that it's not kind of the end of the world, which is not, it's just not that dramatic. But what I'm what I mean is probably like if I had a plan, I'm not flexible. So there's that. I'm a planner. I like things to like be laid out, you know, I have goals I want to hit. And so like it would be the flexibility part and just again the patience.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

Flexibility in the environment causes me to experience what?

SPEAKER_02 10:05

Uh uncertainty. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

And when I'm uncertain, what's my reach? What's what do I reach for?

SPEAKER_02 10:13

Definitely like um kind of fight or flight mode, like give up on that. It's like, okay, I have to redirect. Uh right.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

So so your redirect towards environmental uncertainty is it has to be certain.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

The environment must produce for me what I'm looking for on the inside.

SPEAKER_02 10:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:35

Yes?

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

Okay. So if the environment that involves your son fails to give you that certainty, then the fight or flight is there. Yeah. Is that fair?

SPEAKER_02 10:46

That's fair.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

Okay. So when you look at where am I in this, it's like I'm activated, I'm triggered because I'm experiencing uncertainty. But here's what I love about what you did this morning is you said, wait, I'm uncertain about what will happen. So let me play it through in my own mind, through my own self, and ask the question, what would happen? Yeah. Oh, it would be on him. Yeah. Not on me. Therefore, that chaos feeling, that uncertainty then began to dissipate. I'm asking. Is that fair?

SPEAKER_02 11:25

Yeah, that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:26

So you searched for you. Look at that. You're already doing it. I love this. You searched for you this morning and said, what would this mean for me? Oh, nothing. It would all mean something for my son. Fair?

SPEAKER_02 11:39

Fair.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

And how did it work out?

SPEAKER_02 11:41

It worked out. He got out the door and was we were pleasant with each other. It was nice.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

Wow. I love it when a plan comes together. So you found you in a chaotic moment, instead of asking for the environment to solve for, you solved for. Is that a fair thing for me to say? Yes. Do you think that that's something then that as you parent him and your daughter, and you're a wife, and you're in the workforce, and those themes still show up there, correct? Okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:18

Yes, they do. It's almost like a whole nother thing for the work, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

So I'm wondering in those times of you experiencing the emotional or I'm sorry, the environmental press against you, do you think it's possible for you to engage yourself from the perspective of saying, wait, where am I in this? I'm feeling chaotic. How do I solve for chaos? I tend to try to control the environment. I don't have control of the environment. Because what happens when you clamp down on the environment and it pushes back?

SPEAKER_02 12:59

Yeah, it usually leads to more friction and more. Well, it's like it's a fight. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:07

And what do you feel like you're fighting?

SPEAKER_02 13:09

Like you kind of pointed out, probably just the chaotic versus the certain. So I'm fighting for an answer and fast. Like my sense of urgency is, I don't know why.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

But okay, but you just said why earlier. Why? Because when there is chaos around you, it immediately goes to fight or flight.

SPEAKER_02 13:30

Right. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Chaos provokes that, right? I mean, did I misunderstand you?

SPEAKER_02 13:34

No, that's right.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

Okay. And so that sense of urgency is I can't experience this internal. Fair? So historically, what I hear you saying is you've looked to the environment to quell that for you. Right. But this morning, you look to you to quell that for you. Right. Holy smokes. You found yourself. And by doing so, what happened to the chaos internal?

SPEAKER_02 14:02

It definitely felt less pressure and less pressure, I guess, on myself.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

And what did you let occur?

SPEAKER_02 14:10

Uncertainty. Or what?

SPEAKER_01 14:11

No, no, no. Yes. But but uncertainty where?

SPEAKER_02 14:14

In my environment. Sounds like wait. Uncertainty with my son.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

Letting him make the choice.

SPEAKER_01 14:22

Yes. Yeah. Yes. And by letting your own the uncertainty of the environment, the uncertainty with your son and letting him make the choice, you didn't end up in a control battle. Right. With him trying to assert himself, you trying to assert yourself, and therefore a war happening in between. Right. That's pretty incredible. That's actually really incredible.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

Now to put that into other parts of my life. Like, how did I get to that? I don't know.

Why Time Feels Like Respect

SPEAKER_01 14:52

Okay. So let's walk it through. How did you get to that?

SPEAKER_02 14:55

I don't know. I guess I was just like, I just didn't want. Actually, I know. Like I have an appointment that I have to get to to work at a certain time. And I'm established well enough in that routine now that I know that if I'm late to that because I'm either having to take my son to school because he's so late, you know, whatever, I know that there's a little flexibility or a safety net there. So I felt comfortable letting the plan play out, even if he didn't like make the bus. You know, I tend to do that. Like I think that things are very hard and finite and there's no wiggle room. And that's probably because I don't again want to look like I don't like when when I'm late for an appointment. I mean, nobody should, right? But like, so I don't want to let somebody else down or show up to work late or do all that stuff. So that's on me. And that's why I try so hard to make sure everything's ready to go. So today I was just like, okay, if I'm late, I'm late, I'll figure it out. Let's see how this plays out. Now, can I do that with all the other things? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

Okay, fair. And I don't think that there's there are gonna be times where if I'm late, I'm late, it'll work itself out. You we can't live in a, well, okay, Sarah, Sarah, whatever will be with you, right? There are things that that are, but I think what you're what I think I hear you describing is is that you're starting to find where you are. You're starting to uncover, and this is what I mean with that question. Where am I in this? I have a desire to be on time, is what I hear you saying. That being on time to me, meaning you, conveys this message. Right. What's interesting is being on time does not convey that message to me. That's not how it works in my mind. If I'm like, hey, Lee, where are you in this? I would say if you were behind, I would assume something came up. Right. That's how my brain is organized. That's how my psyche, my insides are organized, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 17:02

That makes sense. And it's funny because I feel like that could almost be like a struggle for me with him too. Like because he doesn't see time as that as well. And I'm like, you're late, or you, it's been an hour since I've asked you to do this, and you are just not like there. So to me, I guess time is really important. My first client could, she is so understanding, like she wouldn't understand completely, but you're right, like because it makes me feel as a certain person, yes, or a certain characteristic or whatever, yes, it's important to me.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 17:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

Now understanding that, as you understand that about you, because our tendency is to take something we hold true and make it universal to everyone. Well, of course everyone sees the world this way.

SPEAKER_02 17:51

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Because in my world, I would say, well, of course everybody understands that people run late. Right. Of course everybody understands that a few minutes here and there. But see, if I bump up against you, if my theory bumps up against your theory and we're not aware of that, then when we have a conflict, then are we fighting the same fight? Right. Are we conflicting over the same thing? But it's if if your son has this sense of, well, I don't understand your urgency.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

Right.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

Whose problem does that become? Yours. Yeah. Right. But it also becomes his too. Because look, people need to learn how to interact with each other. That's the whole purpose and point of the reason that I've taken the time to write this thing. In that space, it's okay, bud, this is what we have to do today. This is the time. We are running behind now. Your running behind now impacts my running behind. I need us to get on the same team, the same page together. I don't like yelling at you. I'm certain you don't like yelling at me. I mean, do you? No. He would say no.

unknown 19:02

No.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

And so we gotta walk this out together. Time matters to me. And I need you to understand that. Does that make sense? Yes.

SPEAKER_02 19:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

Because I think that with parenting, we often think, and I'm not saying this is you, but I think with parenting, we often think that, well, you should have come preloaded with all the things that I believe. Well, I mean, you're my kid, right? Therefore, time matters to me. Does time matter to your husband?

SPEAKER_02 19:29

No.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

Okay. And so time matters to me. Therefore, time has to matter here. Now, let's move as if. But it's where am I? Time matters to me. Now where is he? Does time matter to him? Not really. Okay, buddy. Time matters to me. I want to teach you where you are. I want to teach you that you have an impact on me. And so if this happens by if this doesn't happen by this time, then I don't know how you're gonna get to school. And it's not gonna be an excused absence.

SPEAKER_02 20:02

Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Or if I miss an appointment and that appointment cost me money, then I'm gonna have to ask you to help repay that. So let's work together. So you can either help repay that, or you see what I'm saying? Like there's all these consequences. But if if I don't feel like the world is about to cave in on me, then I have brain space to be able to maneuver and think. What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 20:26

And I do. And I really need to give him more credit in critical thinking in that aspect. Or if he's not, then like you said, teaching him that this is what this is why. And I think he's getting better at that as well. I think that's part of the reason why we were able to have that interaction this morning.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:44

But definitely lots of work to do there.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Well, yeah. I mean, it's it's parenting, right? Right. Parenting is a lot of work. Because I think the thing that parenting, marriage, those in any really any family relationship, it's not a mandatory relationship, but it is a relationship that we are in that really causes us to really have to interact with us. And we miss that and think it's all about them. And we don't slow down to ask, wait, where am I in this?

Parenting Without A Control Battle

SPEAKER_02 21:20

And I think it's almost like um sometimes that can be a really hard dynamic in the sense where you feel like if you're like, where am I in this? But if you completely sometimes when that comes up, I want to completely shut down myself and then see what happens. And that's not necessarily like a good thing, I think, either.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

What do you mean completely shut down yourself?

SPEAKER_02 21:43

Well, just so if I'm doing like the communication to try to maybe repair the conflict or just make sure that something's happening consistently for myself and the relationship, because I feel like without that, it would crumble essentially or the things that I'm wanting won't happen. That makes sense. Being very broad. I think that it's not good to completely stop or shut down either.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

So could you relate that to an example?

SPEAKER_02 22:15

Like a family relationship. Sure. Uh I would say like if my communication with my dad. So if I call him like I I did something this year because this is like kind of a stinker thing to do. But I was like, if I don't call or text my dad, how long will it take for him to call me? And we haven't lived with each other since I was two. And he did not call or text until like March. For me, that seems like a long time like January to March. And that was frustrating for me because I was just like I'm so tired of just being the one to constantly like communicate to him, hey, how are you? Like to keep

Testing A Parent Relationship

SPEAKER_02 22:56

the relationship. Like I feel like it as a dad, he should be the one trying to keep a relationship with me regardless of whatever. So like if I say where am I in that I would feel like I'm the one trying to still keep that connection. But it's very frustrating and sometimes I just want to just like cut it.

SPEAKER_01 23:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

But he'll then make me feel bad for not contacting him.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

You know, so there's a sense how does how does he make me feel bad?

SPEAKER_02 23:22

He makes me feel like as if I'm the one that is not communicating with him or trying to keep the relationship. So the reason that if we don't talk it's because of me.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

And where are you in that? Because here's what I mean. And thank you for laying that out. It's a beautiful example. Where am I in that? It's I am handing over my power to say that I'm allowing you to tell me I'm either good or bad, I'm okay or not okay. Does that make sense? Therefore it's do you believe that that's true that if you if y'all are not communicating that that's on you.

SPEAKER_02 23:59

No.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

Okay. Yeah. And so then any feeling if he says well you know daughter it's on you if we don't communicate where are you in that comment? What do you feel? What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 24:13

I feel fresh I feel frustrated in that comment. Because again I just don't think that that should be the dynamic.

SPEAKER_01 24:22

Okay, but that's the external so come inside it makes me feel and think what?

SPEAKER_02 24:26

That I am a bad daughter.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

Do you believe that?

SPEAKER_02 24:30

If I stopped, I feel like I would be yes like if I stopped reaching out then I would be the bad daughter.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

Okay. So does it make sense though that what that's pulling from you instead of him making you feel something it's I would feel like a bad daughter if I stopped. And then the question becomes do I genuinely believe that?

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

Or is that something that I've let the environment tell me.

SPEAKER_02 25:01

And truthfully like going back to like perception that is something I feel like a child and parent should do and to him it's not. He thinks that I'm doing well. He thinks that I know that he loves me in his mind I think the relationship is fine. And we've had a long distance relationship since I was two like I said. So I mean it isn't uncommon to only talk to my dad three or four times a year. That's normal and that's fine. I can also think that he cares and loves me in a certain extent. So to him it's probably normal. And to me as I get older and have a better relationship with my close family realizing like oh that's really not it's not what I ever wanted but I was okay with it.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

There you go. It's not what I ever wanted but it also relies on somebody else and if they can't meet you there then the frustration or the conflict is it's not what I want but it's also not what he's willing to do or give.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

Right. That's true.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

And so then at the end of the day what's my desired outcome what do I want? Do I want to talk to my father or do I not?

SPEAKER_02 26:16

Right. That's up in the air.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

Well fair fair but but who's that about at the end of the day who's that about right myself largely yes yeah it's yeah and and yes I don't want to make I don't want to to overlook the interpersonal workings of this because yes he is in this too and my next question which will be a book at some point is where are you in this? Where am I in this? Where are you in this? And that's that interpersonal pendulating or swinging back and forth or oscillating whatever movement word that means going back and forth that's what interpersonal relationships are all about. But until I understand me I don't know how to bring me to we. And so if I believe again with the narrative of I believe that a good parent-child relationship looks like this then why aren't you giving that to me? And I may be asking for really clean water out of a well that doesn't produce the kind of clean water I'm looking for. Let me reevaluate that analogy because I don't want it to be that he's bad. Right. His desire or his understanding might just be different. Right. And I believe that therefore what is it that I want I want to talk to you. Therefore what's my move does that make sense? Yep. And that's the whole thing of where am I in this I want to talk to my dad well the truth and the reality of it is if I want to talk to my dad then I got to be the one to reach out. But why? It's because it's what who wants it's what I

Reclaiming Power Over Your Choices

SPEAKER_01 28:04

want. Does that make sense? My hope is that this gives you and everyone a greater sense of and I hesitate to use this word but power. Because I don't mean power over anyone else but a greater sense of self so that you know nobody can make me feel or do anything. They can contribute to it. And yes I know I'm slicing words and being playing the semantics game a little bit but there's that aspect of things where it is I have to recognize where I am to know what my desired outcome is here. And my desired outcome I lose all influence or control when I say my desired outcome is I want you to dot dot dot. It can't be that it's what do I want out of me.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

Right.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

I know we're out of time and time is very important. I have heard that and I want to honor that and I just want to tell you thank you of course for coming on and for laying things out here and for um and

Final Takeaway Where Am I

SPEAKER_01 29:12

I want to celebrate your win this morning.

SPEAKER_02 29:14

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 29:14

That's so huge. Yeah felt good yeah no doubt cool well thank you so much for being here thank you that's our time for today thank you to our guest for the courage to do this out loud anonymously but very honestly yes and if something here landed sit with the question that started us off where am I in this not what's wrong with my kid not what's wrong with me just where you are so you can choose what comes next instead of repeating what came before.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

This has been wait let's talk about that with Dr.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

Lee Long and Lila Pond take care of yourselves take care of your people and we'll see you next time